Not just a one day event, I'm blogging every day about what I'm thankful for

Alone

I’m feeling very alone tonight. It was another stress filled day with my dad. I know other people have dealt with these same things, but it feel very alone. Very isolated. I am just sitting and crying tonight.

My dad has decided it is a conspiracy at the nursing home to keep him there longer so they can make money on him. At least his stubbornness is making him get out of bed and get dressed (mostly) today. He even went outside for a little while (45 minutes). He told me he used the Baker Charm on the nurses today. I asked him if that meant he was bamboozling them? But he has to stay out of bed EVERY day for a few days. And it still took four tries with two people to get him out of bed today.

We have a Care Plan meeting on Monday. He thinks it is the “evil” head of therapy. I’m feeling guilty because I’m the one pushing this. But it is in his best interest. Had an hour long conversation with my pseudo brother today. He is going to try and talk to dad this weekend. He doesn’t think dad should go home at all. I don’t know that I agree with that, but I do know he isn’t ready yet.

I’m so tired. So weary. So low and scraping the ground. I feel so alone. No real support system here.

This blog will return to its regularly scheduled programming tomorrow. But for now I just don’t have it in me.

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Comments on: "Alone" (15)

  1. (((HUGS)))) He is all out of sorts. It may come back slowly, but you two will get better. My shoulder is here for you, just don’t get snot on my new shirt.

  2. Hugs. Susan said what I would say aside from the snot. It’s slow going, but things will improve. Good news that he got outside for a bit.

  3. Throwing a box of tissues your way – gotta throw hard to get over the Rockies! Hang on tight Pamela, this will pass. 🙂

  4. The hardest day of my life was when I had to sign my father into a nursing home. He came to love it and perhaps your dad will acclimate himself. But, you are in a hard spot now and it might seem hopeless but either your Dad will get with the plan and rehabilitate so he can return home or spend his days in a safe environment that will keep him from harm. Hugs…hugs…and more hugs! And you know what?

    It’s OKAY to cry and feel sorry for yourself…let it out and you’ll find tomorrow will be a little easier to get through! Best wishes and we’re here for you!

  5. I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time of it, Pamela. Our parents, as they grow old, can be worse than kids, because they DO know it all. Or they did before they forgot. 😛
    I’m sending positive energy and love your way. Hang in there.

  6. Pam, I wish you could have all of us with you. You shouldn’t be going through this alone, especially not when you have siblings. I hope you had a good cry. Sometimes that’s all we can do to feel better or at least feel like we can face another day. Whatever strength I have, I’m sending your way. Big hug.

    • Oh Marie that made me cry just reading what you wrote. But they were different tears. Thank you.

      • Now I’m choked up 🙂 Crying is good to do. I always hate to cry but always feel better after. You’ll find it within yourself to be give thanks again. At least the threat of staying in the facility is motivating your dad to get mobile. But you can’t expect yourself to be a super hero 24/7. That’s only on the CSB banner, not real life. Give in to your feelings, release the pressure that has to be building. And look forward to Monday when hopefully you can get a plan of action for your dad, one that you will feel good about (he may not, but that’s too bad). Love you.

  7. I’m so sorry that you’re having such a rough time.

    It’s difficult to make those sorts of decisions, or to even have the vaguest clue what to do (to take care of people you care about).

    Sometimes you need a break. It always seems that when you do, that’s when LIFE is the most reluctant to give you one. Smack life in the face (figuratively speaking, since that’s impossible), and take whatever breaks you need/can manage.

    I sincerely hope that everything gets better for you (and your father) soon.
    You’ll get through it!

    *hugs*

  8. I hope you get a break this week end and that your brother and father talking will have a positive result. My thoughts are with you…
    Ellespeth

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