Holidays are the loneliest days of the year for me. I’m not telling you this for sympathy or so you will try and cheer me up. Just a statement.
But I’ve analyzed it this year and think I finally know why. I think there is a lot of pressure (no, that’s not quite the right word) to experience the family experience we see on tv and movies. My family is not at all at fault. No, it is me.
I want that perfect family experience. Yet, I’m not capable of being that perfect family. I have more fun with friends than I do my family. I feel like a misfit a lot. My sister and I could not be more opposite. We have absolutely nothing in common. I find her children to be strangers (probably because I don’t see them much). My dad is my world but he is such an introvert that anything beyond a two minute conversation is unusual.
Christmas Eve is typically spent at church but I didn’t feel up to going this year. Christmas dinner will involve going to my sister’s house. My dad is physically unable to come to my house so this is the only option. I’m not comfortable at her house. Plus she will have invited who knows who else. I’m enough if an introvert that I really don’t need to share my day with people I don’t know or don’t like. I would rather sit in a corner and read.
I won’t see my daughter and grandson until after the new year. So it will be a quiet day. I will be ready for it all to be over. I’m not a Scrooge. I love bring surrounded by children on Christmas. But I have none around anymore.
Silent Night is my favorite Christmas carol. I think it is very fitting.