Not just a one day event, I'm blogging every day about what I'm thankful for

This is a bit different of a tribute for Mother’s Day than most. It’s true that we don’t miss mom until she is gone. There will always be a hole in my heart where she was. If your mother is still alive, I would encourage you to tell her you love her…and mean it. Treasure the time you have while you can.

Mom,

I was stunned when I got the phone call you had collapsed. Even more stunned when we realized you were not going to wake up.

I stayed with dad all night long. But it broke my heart watching him. He loved you so very much. It’s been a little over two years. Dad knows exactly how long on any given day. I know he is counting the days until he is with you again.

I know we didn’t always get along. Some people have said it was because we were too much alike. I fought that. I wanted to be like my dad. He has all the qualities I want. You were always so critical of me. No matter how hard I tried, I was never good enough for you. I know you were disappointed in me and some choices I made. But they were my choices.

Everyone says what a perfect woman you were. I saw a different person. I lived with your criticism. You did things for everyone. Always leaving me for last.

I know you loved me. But sometimes you had a funny way of showing it. I know I avoided your phone calls the last two years of your life. Really, you drove me crazy.

But I also know that when I really needed someone, you were there. Being in the hospital just one week ago made me realize just how much I miss you. And now, with Mother’s Day, I feel an emptiness. Many of my friends have also lost their moms so I know I’m not alone in how I feel.

I get so angry at you done days for leaving us so suddenly and prematurely. Your stubbornness in not listening to your doctor really is what killed you. There was no reason. And for what? You left us alone because you didn’t like to take a pill. How selfish.

But we are surviving. I’m taking care of dad the best I can. He misses you terribly. Mother’s Day just isn’t the same. I love you mom.

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Comments on: "An Open Letter to My Mom" (8)

  1. Happy Mother’s Day.

  2. Sorry Pamela. My mom headed out to the big adventure in the sky when I was 18, and my dad when I was 6. I spent lots of years raging about the fact that if she’d gone to the doctor for check ups she would never have had to die so young. Only now am I starting to come to terms with the idea that she was her own person, and not only here to look after me – sort of. Happy Mothers Day – you’re a lovely mom yourself, and your grandson is just the cutest little guy. 🙂

  3. What a powerful and hopefully healing letter, Pam. With the good often comes the not so good and it’s important to acknowledge that. 💚

  4. Well said. I told mother I love her so many times. She has been in Heaven for two years now. But it always hurts doesn’t it.

  5. It’s hard to look back at someone we have loved and lost and see their character defects, like selfishness. I try to be forgiving, and yet I see myself. I’ve tried to quit smoking so many times and every time I gain weight, so now I’m a fat smoker. Greg can’t stand it. It’s not like I don’t know it’s unhealthy. I love him dearly.

    Your mom loved you.

  6. Kirsten said:

    This is a wonderfully honest letter, Pamela. I hope that it was cathartic for you to write it. It made me thing about writing the same kind of letter to my mom. Hmmm…

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